Here we are...

As the warm weather draws nearer. I find myself becoming more and more impatient with my current sistuation. I still am on bed rest and the thought of spending all spring and summer here almost brings me to tears. I have no idea what to expect when I see the perinatologist next week; each week my blood clot changes size and shape. I am stilling have alot of morning sickness and am begining to wonder if it is going to become my constant companion throughout this pregnancy. I never would have thought that food and I would have such a volital relationship. Alas, we do. My headaches are another story, somedays are good and others I feel as though my head is going to explode off my body at any given moment. When I am feeling good, I begin to feel stir crazy, like I want to go do things and be with my sweet kids, but upon even the simple tasks such as showering or putting on my make up for the day can prove to be a difficult task, mostly due to the fact that I begin to shake so bad from standing to long. And to think that I worked with of my other pregnancy's up until the day I was due. ( standing on my feet doing hair) This too provokes great emotion out of me upon realizing that even the simple things are really hard for me to do.
I write this all down in hopes of feeling happier about my sistuation. But at this point I am not sure that I do, I feel a great loss of all the things I am missing out on, and I am really tired of being asked how I am feeling and when I give the short answer of "fine" I am met with an answer of well you don't look very well. Yes I am aware of how I look, believe me I am still allowed to use the bathroom... which has a mirror. Please just lie to me about how I look and let me tell you that I am fine. Because really deep down I am going to be just fine. This is a small moment in my life and I am sure that I am going to pull through and eventually go back to normal whatever that means... especially since having a third baby is going to rock the boat alot, and a new sense of normal is going to be setting in at my house this fall.
I am hoping that all is well with everyone else, I have really appreciated all the help with my children and the meals, as well as the friendships that I have. I really am blessed, please just forgive me if I am not able to make it to all the birthdays, baby blessings, graduations, and so forth. But know that I am wishing with all my heart that I could be.
I am hoping for the best next week, my ob said best case senario he thinks modified best rest will be in order but we shall see.